Warning!: Certified fresh P.olitically I.ncorrect E.nlightenment blog post here. Don’t read if you have no tolerance for overbearing asshole spiritual opinions. Warning! Stay out if you are gullible, non-discriminating, and have zero spiritual sense of humor. Warning!: You did not use the law of attraction to manifest this blog post into your life. Warning!: Killing Buddhas in the road will be done here (and his trinkets). Warning!: Three pennies randomly tossed in the air will not dictate the outcome of this blog post. You have been warned…
Oh dear, I think the introduction to this post is blown waaaayyyy out of proportion. Now yer gunna expect some real low-down, dirt-filled, foul-mouthed spiritual bashing. Okay, here it is: Yesterday I got my nuts kicked in by not one…not two…but THREE spiritual used car salesman. You’ve met this type right? They read a few books about some superficial spiritual shit and then insist on blabbing their profound discovery to the world… every opportunity they get. Ugh. Nauseous, me thinks I was gunna be.
Here are the three used cars I was peddled yesterday:
- The Maitreya Loving Kindness Tour
- The Modern I-Ching Online Super-fantastic predict your love life and penis size website
- …and last but not least…. everyone’s cosmic ATM machine, favorite: The (fuck me) Secret / Law of Attraction.
1 The least noxious of our spiritual kudzu weed salesmen was the The Maitreya Loving Kindness Tour. Oh gaaaaawd- spiritual trinkets. Really? It would have been one thing if this traveling museum was sold as just that- a collection of beautiful, rare, eastern artifacts. But noooooooo sir, this was peddled with all the possibility of transformation, energy, divine intervention, blessings, and karmic improvement. And that in and of itself isn’t soooo bad. We all got the requisite amount of hippy / new age trinkets in our houses, right? I myself have several buddha statues and lots of crystals- BUT- CAUSE they look COOL, not because they are bathing me in a constant glow of enlightenment saccharin. What’s “bad” about this is that human beings so want to NOT take full responsibility for themselves, see themselves as DIVINE, see themselves as capable of happiness, divinity, wellness and love. It’s constantly got to be SEPARATE and OUT there. That old old old old old dude was enlightened- but not us, not me, not today. It’s FEAR: What it always boils down to is man’s paradoxical chicken-shit nature relative to facing fear. We’d rather travel half way around the globe (extending ridiculous effort, time and money) to see some old shiny religious hippy trinkets than to look at the core of our own unhappy separation. It’s the consolation prize. If Siddartha were around today he’d take one look at this collection of stuff- and all the people enamored by it -and double over in laughter…and tears. Congratulations you’ve been sold a spiritual used car!
2 The Second best on our kudzu weed salesmen was the Super-fantastic- predict your love life -Modern I-Ching Online website. I’m not going to tell you how / where / why I came to know this site because someone obviously put a lot of care and work into it, but man…what a waste of time. Well, okay I lied- I am gunna tell you where it came from: I received an unsolicited email connected to my Linked-in account. So out of mere curiosity (and feeling of pity for the poor schmuck who sent it to me) I went to the site. I read a little and then I did the little exercise it requires: ask a question to yourself you want answered, get three coins, toss them in the air 6 times and record how they land: head, head, tails or 3 heads, or 3 tails, etc. So I did this and then I checked off the boxes to get my answer. Yahoo! Can I just say- I’ve read better script in bad-tasting fortune cookies given to me at Peter Chang’s Chinese Buffet. Can I just say- I’ve read less obtuse, broad based, psychic prediction BS answers on bathroom walls at the local Shell station. Can I just say- I’d rather rummage through chicken guts while high off crystal-meth ….than flip pennies to figure out the course of my life. Oh, and of course the REAL USED CAR salesman catch!!!!: The answer I received was the short free answer. If you wanted the longer, in-depth, more detailed, (and I suppose truer) answer you had to pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay….god knows what amount. I didn’t get that far. I did this around 7am while I was drinking a nice strong cup of coffee. At least the coffee was good. Congratulations you’ve been sold a spiritual used car!
3 The last on our kudzu list is the ever obnoxious, eternally ubiquitous and sickeningly pathetic LAW of ATTRACTION!!! Ding!, ding, ding, ding! Shabam!!! Pow! Wham-O! : You have WON the booby prize of all spiritual progress and evolution: The Secret !!!!! revealed: The Universe is ONE big walmart and it’s ALL here for you to take, have and fuck- if you can just keep thinking those positive thoughts!!! tHink!! Harder! F-f-fFaster!! More! More! Not good enough! Think more!! Positive thoughts!!! Every time I hear the Secret mentioned I instantly want to vomit. The only thing this stupid little cult has done is give millions of people inferiority complexes,… because they’re wondering WHY it isn’t working for them. I will tell you why: Because the law of attraction is bullshit. Take this opinion from someone who has spent a lot of time in the company and presence of a lot of overly-evolved people,… a lot of awakened people, ….a lot of wise people…and not one of them…zero of them….zip, nada, skunk…EVER talk about the law of attraction or it’s whoring little bedfellow- The Secret. Getting what you want is a bad definition of spirituality. Getting the last thing you want- an end to the “I”-dentity Personality Project…to the little ol “me”….to the separate one doing all the wanting… to the “you” that takes all the wanting seriously…that’s the real secret. Attract that shit first and then worry about how god/universe is gunna micro-manage- manifest your bank account. Congratulations you’ve been sold a spiritual used car!
Okay now. No hate email. You’ve been warned!!! This is P.I.E.!!! I know I’m going to get shit for this post,-….so here’s a bone: yes, of course, in the grand scheme of things its ALL good, but on a relative level (which enlightenment or spiritual awakening does not eradicate, but welcomes into the whole) there are great cars and there are shitty cars. I like driving a nice comfy new car, how bout you?
About J. Stewart Dixon www.bluecollarenlightenment.com
J. Stewart Dixon is an unorthodox nondual-advaita-zen spiritual awakening teacher and founder of Blue Collar Enlightenment. Born in 1969 J. Stewart began his spiritual search at the age of eighteen, urged on by a general sense of unhappiness, depression and an impulse that something was missing from his life. He passionately and actively continued searching (via numerous paths and dozens of teachers) until the age of forty-one, when while reading a nondual awakening article online, he fell into what is commonly reported as awakening and his search ended. Shortly thereafter he began writing and teaching.